January 2003

Reality hit home with my family in January 2003 with the sudden death of our father; he blessedly went to sleep one night never to awaken. I believe this represents the single most transformational experience in my life to date. Until that time I had personally lived with a veiled delusion that death would never cross our threshold. Despite a medical school education and considerable experience with death and dying, I had somehow managed to "semi-convince" myself that we might actually be spared the final act -- the simple, painful, and odd truth that we all -- each of us -- "owes" a death.

My patients who have died, either traumatically or at the end of a protracted illness, were clearly abstractions, while the sundry elderly relatives I have lost over the years had surely been preordained for that fate. But, MY OWN circle of family members were surely never meant to age or to suffer from disease, thus avoiding being touched by the cruel hand.

Clearly, my delusions collapsed that winter morning forcing me to begin accepting the fact that death surely is going to audaciously exact its toll on MY ENTIRE FAMILY given time -- the stats don't lie -- a debt will be paid. Sure as anything, no one ever asked if I like it.

One very well-intended, nice, elderly church lady (hat and all) felt compelled to impart some wisdom to me following Dad's funeral -- words that have never escaped my conscious thought,

"If you think losing your Father has been hard, just wait ......... losing your Mother will be 100 times more difficult!"